Collaborative Divorce: Interest-based Bargaining

Collaborative divorce is one of the newest trends in divorce settlement.  It is, essentially an alternate means of family dispute resolution, and works well for couples who are striving to maintain an amicable relationship as they proceed through divorce.

Collaborative divorce eliminates the need for the couple to go through litigation. Rather, their divorce is settled through negotiation. Both sides obtain lawyers, but the lawyers are to help with the negotiations, not for handling the matter in court.

At the beginning of a collaborative divorce, the parties sign a participation agreement. This states that the lawyers are being retained solely for negotiations between parties; not for litigation. If the couple decides to go the litigation route later, the lawyers bow out.

Why Collaborative Divorce?

Couples who choose collaborative divorce do so for the benefit of their children. They want to avoid putting children in the middle and avoid creating an adversarial relationship with their soon to be ex. These couples want to come to a divorce agreement that is beneficial to everyone involved.

In collaborative divorce, the couple and their respective lawyers meet to discuss arrangements and resolve issues. The lawyers do not handle all the negotiations alone. In order for collaborative divorce to work, both parties have to be able to sit down with their spouse and discuss the issues.

What is Interest Based Bargaining?

Interest based bargaining is the primary bargaining tactic used in collaborative divorce. Interest based bargaining looks beyond the simple “I want”, “he wants” and examines the reasons why certain possessions or certain decisions are important to the parties.

This type of bargaining is useful because it allows each person to see the other’s perspective on an issue rather than assuming the other party wants something just because they think you want it. This type of bargaining theoretically allows each party to get the things that matter most to them.

For example, let’s say you’re discussing how you’ll split the children’s Christmas visits. The typical arrangement is for one parent to have the children on Christmas Eve overnight into Christmas morning, with the other parent picking them up after breakfast and keeping them for the remainder of the day, switching each year.

But, let’s say that the wife’s family celebrates Christmas each year with a dinner on Christmas Eve. It would be really important for her to have her children every year at least until bedtime on Christmas Eve. Once her husband understands why it is important for her to have an alternative plan, he is likely to be more agreeable to it. They can then come up with a customized plan that works for their family, rather than sticking to the typical divorce arrangements.

Finding the Right Lawyer

If you’re considering collaborative divorce, it’s important to find attorneys who specialize in this type of divorce. They are trained in finding creative ways to solve family issues, and on how to avoid being focused on “winning”. Their definition of a “win” in a divorce proceeding is when everyone got what they truly wanted, and long term relationships were not sacrificed.