Divorce Mediation When the Parties Aren't Speaking

Divorce mediation can be a helpful way to sort out your divorce settlement without turning to a judge to help decide everything for you. If you and your spouse want to work out your own settlement, but can't do it on your own, having a mediator is a great compromise. A mediator is an independent third party who is trained in mediation and negotiation. Often, mediators also have legal experience and are lawyers or former judges who work in mediation. Having this third party to referee negotiations and to help you and your spouse understand each other can be invaluable. However, for mediation to work, the two spouses both need to be committed to talking openly, compromising and actually working with each other. If you and your spouse are not on speaking terms at all, then mediating your settlement can be extremely challenging. 

The Process of Divorce Mediation

When you and your spouse decide to work with a mediator, an independent third party will be hired- you and your spouse will have to pay for this. You, your spouse, and - if desired- your attorneys will meet together to sit down and hash out the division of property and the way in which you share custody. You will have to each share what you are expecting from the divorce settlement and make compromises.

If you and your spouse are not speaking to each other, you can talk through your lawyers at mediation. You can each share what you want most with your attorneys and your attorneys can discuss those demands However, you'll both be at the meeting and it may be hard for you both to sit their and remain silent as your attorneys talk about your future and your finances.

The best thing to do, if you can, is to try to put aside your differences at the mediation and talk. The mediator is there to help you and to make sure you remain civil, and the meeting will be in a controlled setting where the third parties present will put an end to any insults or arguments that may arise. Agreeing to go to mediation with an open mind can save you both a lot of money litigating the divorce, and can put you in more control of your own finances- but you both have to commit to it. Otherwise, you are just wasting your money and time.

Getting Help

Having the help of an experienced and qualified divorce attorney can help make the process of divorce mediation simpler and more possible. You and your spouse may be angry and emotional, but your attorneys won't be and they can express your interests calmly, making sure your rights are protected and that you can arrive at a fair deal.