How Does Divorce Mediation Work?

Divorce mediation is a great option for couples who are getting a divorce who are still on somewhat civil terms. There are three major ways a divorce can happen when two people decide to end a marriage. The two parties can peacefully agree to a settlement and present it to the court to sign off on, without help. This, as you may have guessed, is pretty rare. After all, if you could communicate that well and compromise that well with your spouse, you might not be getting divorced. The second option involves a court battle or litigation, which involves the judging making decisions for you and which often gets expensive and ugly. The third option is a middle ground- it involves divorce mediation, wherein you and your spouse work together with the help of a qualified and experienced mediator who assists you in coming to an agreement between the two of you, which the judge can then sign off on.

Understanding Divorce Mediation

If you and your spouse agree to divorce mediation, the first thing you need to understand is that it is voluntary. Unlike arbitration- where a third party arbitrator makes decisions about what will happen and those decisions are binding, you and your spouse can each walk away from mediation at any time.

The second thing you need to understand is that the mediator is neither a judge nor your attorney. He's not going to make decisions for you, he's not going to advise you and he's not going to do anything to make sure your legal rights are protected. So, what is he going to do?

A mediator is an independent neutral third party, often with training in counseling, negotiation, mediation and the law
The mediator will essentially referee between you and your spouse, helping you both to communicate your desires clearly and openly.
Your mediator will help you to facilitate compromises and to really hear each other and prioritize so that you can come to an agreement between the two of you.

Every mediator will operate a little differently and the rules of mediation can vary depending on the situation. For example, in some cases you bring your lawyer to mediation with you and in other cases, your lawyer just helps you prepare beforehand. You may have several sessions to decide everything, and you may mediate one issue in your divorce or all of them- it is really up to you.

Getting Help

You may believe that if you hire a divorce mediator, you do not need a lawyer. This is simply not true. Your lawyer can provide you with essential advice on what your legal rights are so you do not agree to anything grossly unfair in mediation. He can also help you to prioritize your needs and refrain from letting emotions getting in the way of coming to a settlement out of court with your spouse in the divorce mediation process.

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