What a Divorce Mediator Does (and Doesn't Do)

A divorce mediator is typically an attorney with experience in family law who has been trained and certified to work as a mediator. Training includes teaching the mediator to be part communication specialist and part judge.

Mediator as Communication Specialist

A mediator must help people who are often angry at each other, and hurt, to find a way to come to an agreement they can both live with. A mediator must listen and must help the spouses move past emotions like control, anger or fear.

A mediator must be able to help people communicate in a respectful way and must be able to help de-escalate tense, emotion-filled arguments. A mediator must keep control and order. A mediator must be forceful enough to keep control without taking sides.

Qualities of a Good Divorce Mediator

A mediator should have the following qualities:

Patience
Knowledge of state-specific family law
Listening Skills
Ability to manage emotions in other and help control anger in others
Ability to reframe issues so neither party gets defensive and neither walks away from negotiating

A mediator is supposed to be neutral which means the mediator cannot tell people what to do and cannot take sides. The mediator must respect the positions of both parties and must help each person try to see the issues from the other person’s view.

A Mediator is Not a Judge

A mediator is not a judge and a mediator cannot make a decision that is binding on the parties. A mediator must know the law well though because a mediator can educate people about the law and can tell each spouse what s/he is likely to get in court. The strategy in educating people is that they will realize they better off working out a solution through mediation than through spending time and money going to court. The outcome of a trial is entirely in the hands of the judge but a mediator can help people come to an agreement to which they agree.

Getting Legal Help

When mediation is done well, it can save people time, money, and most importantly energy and emotion. Spouses who work together in mediation are more likely to follow through on the agreements than make than to follow a court order they didn’t get to choose. An experienced family law attorney can help you prepare and strategize to use mediation to the greatest advantage while still saving time and money by not going to court.

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